Unfortunately...

Due to a recent spat of inappropriate posts, (neither of which I disagreed with 100% surprisingly) that's I've had to delete, I've had to turn off anonymous commenting. Hopefully this doesn't discourage anyone from leaving their thoughts though, even the harsh ones, it's good to have all views represented.

-[Stasis]-

I wonder if it's spelt with a T in there somewhere... no, according to the ever wise internet, it's only got one t.

I was chatting with quite a few friends this afternoon, a good way as any to make my day. One of them asked me how I was feeling... then went on to say how SHE was feeling in a similar situation and asked if I felt like that. LoL. So this isn't really my idea, it's more her's, but definitely my feelings as well.

See right now, I'm locked, stuck here with no place to go, no battles to fight, no direction. I can't move back, stay in HK, yet I don't know if I can stay here (in Aus)either, merrily go about putting down roots and making friends only to have my prayers answered (how much that sounds like "dreams come true") and me off to HK (Or yet some other place O_o). The people who know me well seem to feel it, my heart is most certainly there... yet it can't stay, or eventually I'll die... I've got to start putting roots down SOMEWHERE. It's more than just friendship too. I can't commit to a church until I'm sure that I can commit for more than just a few months, that wouldn't be very honorable otherwise. Furthermore things like dancing and TESOL classes require commitment too (plus money which I no longer have much of). Even missions trips and weddings need to be taken into account!

I suppose (physically anyway) it all comes down a good stable and viable job. Which is possibly the most depressing thing of all. In reality I have all the commercial IT experience of a well studied graduate... yet all the graduate positions start NEXT year... sometime in Feb. I was definitely hoping to be out of the country by then, but maybe that's not God's plan for my life... maybe I have been called back to Australia... though I don't see why just yet. All the professional jobs seem to want 3 years of experience, which I have, just not in any of their specified skillsets (you don't really learn SAP on IBL... do you?)

It all comes down to knowing, and why do I want to know so much? I was talking with another awesome friend about the calling of God, I never got around to telling her, but the real reason I care so much is proably because I don't wanna spend time fumbling around doing things I'm not meant to be doing. I hate wasting effort (read: Josh = lazy when unmotivated), I live to get my task finished... those tasks that God has prepared in advance for me to do. I wanna DO something worthwhile, you know? And the only way I'm gonna know that something is worthwhile is if God tells me to do it...

Which brings me back to knowing where to go. Bottom line is that at the moment, I don't. Don't know what to aim for, where to go... even for what to hope... and while I'm still staying sane by the tangible grace of God... everyday the spark of my joy gets that much dimmer, calling out for friends, service and direction. Soon I'll have to set my own course... without hearing from God... is that what he wants? Or is that just me wimping out...

Why is life as a Christian so hard?

ps. My Aussie friend's haven't deserted me, they're just really busy with all the things that I would be busy with too, if I was gonna stay here for a while.

Re-Entry

It's strange how subjective the desire to write can be, truly such an ethereal and whimsical impulse... it's no wonder that writer's block is both possible AND common... it's like the very stars must align before one can produce anything of substance or significance... and I can bear personal testimony to that.

... I wonder if I sound like that in real life...

Anyway, for those of you still following my journey, I'm back in Melbourne, undergoing the many thrills and joys of "re-entry" or "reverse culture shock", a thoroughly enjoyable and fun filled process (please read much sarcasm in that last statement). For the past 2 months now, I've been trekking blithely around Asia, living off the charity of others, and what small amounts of money I can scrape together (refer to previous post for further elaboration). However now the journey is at an end, and I am once again back to where I started. Melbourne, safe, quiet, sunny and ultimately boring (no offense intended).

So, now what?

That's a VERY good question, one for which I wish I had a God given answer (but unfortunately I don't). For the time being I'm applying for jobs, mostly IT related, in Melbourne, while trying to find some to apply for in HK and Malaysia. I'm also looking into getting a TESOL/TEFL certificate, so I could teach in HK if I find a position.

Meanwhile I'm trying to figure out, if I do indeed stay in Melbourne, which church to go to, and where I can serve... these are interesting times. At the same time, emotionally, it's not easy, as no matter where I move to, I'll be apart from close friends, and family... it sorta sucks being a "global gypsy" as my cousin likes to call it.

I will say honestly, that my friends in Hong Kong are generally more similar to me, especially in terms of stage in life (they're all around my age) and theology of God, in reality they are true spiritual siblings, my brothers and sisters, and I started to miss them even before getting on the plane.

My friends in Australia are way beyond cool, as are the many aunties and uncles who give me advice (and also read this blog) but most of them (my friends), the close ones at least, are A: older and B: moving to a different point in life (ie somewhere within the next 2 years, the marriage part). Which while cool, isn't quite where I'm at (despite several comical attempts on my part...). That, coupled with the fact that HK is way less boring and requires less capital investment to get going (I need to buy a car, or at least a bike if I stay in Melbourne) would see me leaning towards going back to HK.

However in all things, no matter what seems logical or what I want, God's will, His plan and path, His direction come first. While I'm not sitting on my hands doing nothing, I know that He will make my path straight, and be a lamp unto my path. Wherever He leads me, I will be grateful, and it will be for my good, according to his good, pleasing and perfect will.

So there you have it, where I'm at right this moment. Feel free to cast your votes, cause as you may know, I've easily swayed by public opinion!