I wonder if it's spelt with a T in there somewhere... no, according to the ever wise internet, it's only got one t.
I was chatting with quite a few friends this afternoon, a good way as any to make my day. One of them asked me how I was feeling... then went on to say how SHE was feeling in a similar situation and asked if I felt like that. LoL. So this isn't really my idea, it's more her's, but definitely my feelings as well.
See right now, I'm locked, stuck here with no place to go, no battles to fight, no direction. I can't move back, stay in HK, yet I don't know if I can stay here (in Aus)either, merrily go about putting down roots and making friends only to have my prayers answered (how much that sounds like "dreams come true") and me off to HK (Or yet some other place O_o). The people who know me well seem to feel it, my heart is most certainly there... yet it can't stay, or eventually I'll die... I've got to start putting roots down SOMEWHERE. It's more than just friendship too. I can't commit to a church until I'm sure that I can commit for more than just a few months, that wouldn't be very honorable otherwise. Furthermore things like dancing and TESOL classes require commitment too (plus money which I no longer have much of). Even missions trips and weddings need to be taken into account!
I suppose (physically anyway) it all comes down a good stable and viable job. Which is possibly the most depressing thing of all. In reality I have all the commercial IT experience of a well studied graduate... yet all the graduate positions start NEXT year... sometime in Feb. I was definitely hoping to be out of the country by then, but maybe that's not God's plan for my life... maybe I have been called back to Australia... though I don't see why just yet. All the professional jobs seem to want 3 years of experience, which I have, just not in any of their specified skillsets (you don't really learn SAP on IBL... do you?)
It all comes down to knowing, and why do I want to know so much? I was talking with another awesome friend about the calling of God, I never got around to telling her, but the real reason I care so much is proably because I don't wanna spend time fumbling around doing things I'm not meant to be doing. I hate wasting effort (read: Josh = lazy when unmotivated), I live to get my task finished... those tasks that God has prepared in advance for me to do. I wanna DO something worthwhile, you know? And the only way I'm gonna know that something is worthwhile is if God tells me to do it...
Which brings me back to knowing where to go. Bottom line is that at the moment, I don't. Don't know what to aim for, where to go... even for what to hope... and while I'm still staying sane by the tangible grace of God... everyday the spark of my joy gets that much dimmer, calling out for friends, service and direction. Soon I'll have to set my own course... without hearing from God... is that what he wants? Or is that just me wimping out...
Why is life as a Christian so hard?
ps. My Aussie friend's haven't deserted me, they're just really busy with all the things that I would be busy with too, if I was gonna stay here for a while.
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Comes Extensively Travelled
If you're a bit confused about this strange young man and his random adventures, I suggest you start from the beginning. It's a lot easier then.
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Comes Extensively Travelled
The Author
A bit about Me
I love Badminton, Foosball, very specific computer/console games, reading, writing (stories and poems), romance, archaic weaponary, dancing, my church and especially my friends (to whom much of this blog is written). However the center of my life, the core, is and always will be Lord Jesus, God of All.
4 comments:
I'm hanging out for some direction too, only I have a job to go to while I wait.
I wonder what Moses thought as he tended the sheep for 40 years in Midian, before the incident of the burning bush and that all-too-clear calling from God.
I hope I don't have to wait 40 years for my 'burning bush' to appear. When it does though, it would be nice if it was as clear as a burning bush...
Heh, I'd be happy with a shepherding job and a cool family a la prince of Egypt... Moses's father in law was very wise.
Yeah, I believe that's it's the call of men to work, provide for their families, teach their children, love them, protect them... I'd be cool with just that until God speaks... but I don't even have that milestone yet... *sigh.
Who's this btw?
How about being faithful to what God has already entrusted to you? Be a good son, a loving brother, a growing Christian, a diligent worker (when you are employed; before that, diligent in finding one). God will unfold your path one step at a time.
Sometimes (most of the time, I'll say) we have to wait many years before we are commissioned to the calling God revealed to us much earlier on. Why?
Look at Joseph, all the ups and downs in his life served a purpose. It's hard to understand at the moment, but after all the breaking, molding, training, preparation, he was not the same 17-year-old young and proud boy. He finally has became a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.
You will not be wasting your life if you walk in His way daily, no matter what you're doing (His will that He has revealed to every child of His from the Book).
Auntie Sharon
wise words from a friend of mine:
if you're wanting God to tell you what to do next, have you first made sure that you've done what he's previously told you to do?
Aunty Sharon makes good points. Those years of Joseph's (and Moses' from first comment) were rather character building...
*grin* be faithful in the little things, however small they may be, and then he can know to trust you with the larger things =)
MK
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