Who chases the Dragon?

Ok that might be a tad disrespectful... but hey... I mean none.

For those of you on Facebook, check out my cool photo story (Climbing the Dragon) that I've posted up. For those of you who don't HAVE FB, you should get it! I've got all my photos up there.

If you don't know what Facebook is and stuff like that, just ask and I can tell ya about it, everyone has FB these days!

Ohh, and Climbing the Dragon is about me going on a simple hike, but ending up going down an entire mountain, through rough brush, down cliffs and falling off large stones (2 meters :D). Yes I AM ok... even if I did scratch up my hands and wrists... a lot... but hey. It was good God time :) Oh and it's 100% true.

Please don't freak out ok?

Hehe, I'm typing like I'm playing piano, can't touch the deck with my wrists very much...

Until next time.

21st March - Raided on Good Friday

Hehe, check out my first ever clubbing experience, with a bit of embellishment, at Imagine Reality

Wishing everyone a Blessed Easter! Good Friday service was awesome!

Imagine Reality

Hey there, check out my new form of blogging! See if you can tell where my reality ends and begins. Honestly it's not too hard hehe. As a side story project I've decided to write these short page or 2 stories about my life in HK and the turns that my imagination takes when I'm out.

http://randomimagination.blogspot.com

I'll be using my old random imagination blog.

In other news I went to Macau today to see my grandma, who I thought I hadn't seen in 7 years, but who apparently stayed at our place back home in Australia for a few nights while I was there... how weird.

I won't go into details about the trip... but let me just point out some low lights:
- Waiting 1 hour in immigration.
- Getting sea sick over the 2 hour boat journey.
- Due to bad organization and communication (on my part) only getting to see them for 3 hours. So should have gone yesterday!

and some highlights:
- Seeing some of my extended family again.
- Planning our future trip to KL in Jan.
- Earning major brownie points for making the trip :P hehe.

Was totally worth it though, I'm beginning to appreciate family so much more!

Anyway, enjoy the story, let me know what you think!

Depth

So here I am at home, thinking a lot about stuff, my friends, both here and back home... and yeah just reflecting about this word... depth.

Ok, so to start, let me just state that for a long time I considered my self a fairly deep person. Conversationally, mentally, even spiritually; I would search for the reason behind statements, seek to understand the truths behind any facade. A lot of people commented that I was rather serious and (occasionally they said) mature for my age, and I believe that it is still a fairly common consensuses that I think too much... especially by the people who really know me.

So fast forward a few years and you've got this massive paradox (that is Josh Loke). On one hand, I'm a rather outgoing guy who loves to be the center of attention (I'm working on being less so), loves to talk, and enjoys rendering epic tales of his life (often embellished) to large groups of disbelieving and easily impressionable people. On the other, I'm still largely the same guy, who wants to engage in deep and meaningful conversations with people, who wants to know people better then I already do... who wants to develop deep friendships... cause I like having close friends... who doesn't. Plus I trust easily, and apparently (though I can't really tell) I'm easy to trust and talk to in return.

However the problem that I'm beginning to notice is this: it's hard to do both. A simple problem to say, yet a very complex issue. On one hand there is benefit to being outgoing, to be visible. It aids in your leadership, allows you to meet people without making them feel that uncomfortable, and it makes for an attention grabbing personality, allowing you to witness for the Kingdom, share your opinions etc. etc..

Yet the flip side to that is seeming fake, overly loud, attention seeking, flirtatious, obnoxious... not to mention the fact that it's very hard to switch gears into a deep conversation with people that actually means anything... and plus, D&M's are much easier 1 to 1.

So far I've tried to walk the balance. I'm not saying that I've come anywhere near the mark, nor do I think that I'm a pro at being both. I know I've got LOTS of flaws (and I truthfully do know that I have lots of strengths too). It's just that lately I've felt like I'm drifting away from the deeper side of me, in essence becoming more shallow. This is definitely something that I don't want to happen.

Part of the issue stems also from leaving Melbourne. I didn't realize it when I prepared to come to HK, but a large part of my security and support was tied up in my friends and family back home. Sure my brother loves to bag my singing and guitar playing, but I also knew that he would always have my back if I need to talk to him about anything that he did that I didn't have a clue about. :P I could rest assured that my parents would love me, even if I did get 10 demerit points in my license, and they'd make sure that I'd have food to eat. I knew that I could call up any of my close friends when I was feeling down, that I could go tree climbing in random parks with M, chill out with Al at his place and battle over singstar with S... that sense of security, love, family... these are all things that we as humans NEED (God made us that way)... and there are people who we have found who provide for those needs.

However when you leave that support network, your security drops, often unconsciously. You have to go to new places by yourself, make new friends without the safety net of your old friends. No longer can you invite people into your "groups" but you gotta be part of other cliches and face the inevitable rejection and assimilation. Not to scare you... just keeping it real you know.

I think different people will have fairly unique reactions to this stress... not just of making new friends, but just a whole new environment without the support. For me... I reverted to my Kheldar days, being even louder, MORE obnoxious, talkative and more arrogant (can you imagine!). I recall all the times that I talked myself up since getting here, exaggerating a lot of my valid skills to a level they weren't... I even started to flirt more than I probably should have (considering that I'm not looking for a girl while here...)

I'm actually very grateful that God caught my attention and made me see what was happening, through various things that people said and through the Word. I was pretty ashamed and very convicted... but I realized why at the same time... and it's good... I didn't feel condemned. I know that I'm still a Child of God, loved by the King, and that he just wants the best for me. Also acting out in that way is definitely NOT the best way to make new friends ;).

So I guess I'm trying to re-uncover the depth in my own spirit and soul that I've buried over the past few months. Looking forward to going back, if only so I can just be myself among people I know well. Recharge and then return, remembering that my ultimate security comes from God. He designed us for community, but even in the midst of being utterly alone, we can still survive through him.

Ohh yes and I'm am slowly beginning to make some really close friends here... but it takes time yeah?

Thoughts at 12 am

So yeah, I was heading off to bed early yesterday, but because I'm about to start on my next epic novel (I don't feel like finishing the Trinited Throne) I was re-reading Salvation, and need to find my OLD notes about the 2nd story that I was considering in the series. As I started to dig through my old notebooks of doom (ie I'd be doomed if anything happened to them while I was writing in them, they had my uni notes, church notes, Magic decks, story ideas... EVERYTHING) I A: realized that I couldn't find my notes...(which was very annoying) B: that I've changed a WHOLE lot in the past 2 years... over 2006 and 2007.

Then I spotted my 21st books, the booklets that were available at my party for various people to write in and say really cool stuff about me; the one time in your life where your friends try to puff up your ego. All for a good cause I suppose. So yeah I started to read through them, and began to reflect...

I was struck by how many awesome things people had to say about me. People who I knew well, who I didn't, who I thought liked me, who I thought didn't... granted it WAS my 21st, and very few people would say anything negative... however if even 50% of the people meant 50% of what they said, that's a whole lot of appreciation, respect and admiration.

And I'm not using this as a chance to say, "woo, look at how popular I am," but rather I'm trying to highlight an interesting point. Apart from a couple of very special friends, no one had mentioned anything of what they thought about me prior to my 21st. Granted, it would get old if any one person came up to me everyday and said "hey Josh, I think you're an awesome person with a great personality, and it shows!" or something such... however just recently I wrote a bit of a letter to a friend who I really appreciated, and the exact response was "You just made my day =) Thanks Josh!"

I was thinking about that, how often do we really share our appreciation with our friends for how amazing they truly are? Even the ones who I hang out with every week, or see more than most. Are we, as Christians, not called to be set apart by the love that we show to one another? Can we not also take that same spirit and share it with our friends who don't necessarily believe what we do? Isn't it a good thing to make someone's day?

Do you think it's just coincidence that we like hanging out with people who say nice things about us? Who give truthful and thoughtful compliments based on experience and observation? I don't think so.

While I by no means claim to have even STARTED this practice (let alone mastered it) in my own life, I believe it's something that we can all start to do more. Generosity with our words is powerful, and we can all exercise it more. Do your friends really know how much you appreciate them? Do your parents? Your siblings? Why don't you tell them, just in a few words, or small card, a quick hug, just how much they mean to you ;). I can promise that it won't hurt.

***

The next thought that I began to reflect on (yes this will be a LONG blog... I think a lot) is my own insecurity.

To many people, I can come across as pretty confident, even arrogant, in my own self assurance and ability to get things done, make friends etc etc. While it's true, I do have a lot of confidence in my ability to do certain things (through God and the gifts that he's given me), like every human I struggle with feelings of low self-worth, but also for me, even more so I struggle with what people think of me.

What I fear/hate the most about humanity is the practice of thinking one thing of a person in reality, but in interaction with them acting like you think something different. Being fake, I hate that... all the more because I know that's one of the things that I need to work on more myself. It's ironic that all the things that most get to me about other people are the same things that get to me about myself. Maybe I'm consistent like that.

See in reading my 21st books again, I began to realize that my conceptions of many people and what they thought of me were for the most part false. It can creep into a person's mind that all people sees are our mistakes, our failings, our weaknesses... but really they also see our good points, our victories, our strengths too..

So I started to feel better... then it hit me.

I really do care too much about what other people think.

I mean sure, it's great to have a good reputation, it helps us evangelize and be taken seriously. It's a key to witnessing and if we live godly, Spirit filled lives, we will naturally bear fruit that others will like... however our security and our worth comes from only one source, from Jesus... as cliche as that is as a Christian. So often we forget that! We can recite the 10 commandments, study about Spiritual gifts, seek God daily in prayer... yet still be so tied up in how other people view us that our walk with God is crippled by perceptions... both ours... of how much people must dislike us... but also of their's, and ultimately how little they matter.

I do believe that a godly reputation is a good thing, something that we should pursue... but don't let the quest for the good opinion of others be your driving force. Aim for the opinion of God over all.

***
Hmm I've decided to write about depth another time ;) This is already quite long.

What's I've been up to lately

Hey guys! How's everyone doing? To all my friends/family back home, hope that things are going well and you're all safe/healthy. Just a word of warning, make sure you all get your flu jabs ok? There have been some pretty nasty flus over here, and apparently two people have died. So yeah, get a flu shot.

Just thought I've give an update on what I've been up too lately, and show you guys a product of my work.. We have an upcoming Spring Retreat, and so I was asked to do a video for it. While I've never done any sort of video editing before, I nevertheless have a professional post production/graphic designer/media guru as a house mate, so I've picked up a TINY tiny bit of his knowledge over the last month. However it's still very basic. Have a look! I did that logo at the end too, (it's meant to look etched) which took almost as long as the video :P hehe

http://web.mac.com/hkmbc.youth/HKMBC_Youth_Ministry/Update_Video%28*NEW%29.html

Now in comparison, and also because I told him that I'd put it on my blog, here's my house mate's "showreel" ie like his resume. Just bear in mind A: He's a professional (just look at a companies that he's worked for) and B: That he's old (er than me anyway), and so I've got a few years to reach that level. Oh and he's got better software :P hehe

http://www.pentopixel.net/

Oh and if you're interested in getting him to work for you (like you guys in marketing or in church media and stuff), just let me/him know. He does stuff for people all over and world and would like to do stuff for Australia.

Week of March 3rd - Status: Green

Wow it's been a busy week. I still have stacks of stuff to do, but I realized that my blog has been a bit neglected over the past few days, and hey I've been working plenty of overtime, so it's all cool. Actually I stayed back till 7:30 on Tuesday... I was very surprised... I wasn't tired, bored or wanting to go... I just had stuff to do. I think I know how people get to the stage where they CAN work overtime often and alot... it's not THAT big a deal... I guess before I've always had jobs where there wasn't really all that much to do.

Anyway... I've been healthy for another week, (Thank you God) and finally getting back into the physical working out and will start dancing in a couple weeks. Hopefully going to start climbing too, not sure how that will work, need a partner, so many people have "friends" who climb :P haha

But yes, looking forward to seeing everyone back home in April, I do miss Melbourne today, especially talking to Al and hearing all that I'm missing. *sigh... plus SSBB comes out in 3 days or something *sigh x2.

How's everyone doing? Let me know yeah?

Oh and as a side note

Would anyone be interested in drawing a webcomic for me? I've got a story I'm writing, just about to finish the first chapter, and I think it would make for a good comic script. Let me know if you're interested.